I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
