My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize