idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
