Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
