New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
