I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
