I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
