I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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