you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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