well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
