How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
