mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she pinky promised me she was 18
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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