Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
