if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
