ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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