ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
