omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
