mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
