Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
