he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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