I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
