operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want her autograph on my taint
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
