Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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