If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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