I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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