yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
