sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
