the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
