I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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