Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
