i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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