Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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