I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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