If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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