I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
