rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
