Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
