i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
