she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
