Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
