i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
