hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
