All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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