Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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