Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
