I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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