Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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