I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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