She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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