He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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