Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
