I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize