I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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