YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
