Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize