Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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