Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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