Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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