Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
