When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
