do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
