Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
babies were throwing up all over the place
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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