i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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