Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
