I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
